Feeling Free

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Feeling Free

Post  El.Mo on Wed Aug 03, 2011 8:39 pm

I am standing in my kitchen, studying for an exam tomorrow and drinking kombucha when I took a moment to feel the freedom I was feeling, then a thought came to mind "what if it goes away" I immediately examined that thought and from which imprint it came, I knew immediately it was rooted in an experience I had when I was a little girl. I was set to go to six flags with my cousin and some of her friends for my cousin's birthday so my mother took me to the store to get an outfit, I LOOOOOOVED this outfit, I felt sooooooo cute and pretty in it, I was sooo excited to wear it and show it off at six flags. That night my mom had a friend of her's come over with her two son's, one of the boys I had a crush on ( I was around 8 at this time). My mother was sitting on the couch and looked a bit stressed and agitated, she was twirling in her hair (something she does when she is stressed and deep in thought), the bag of clothed she bought for me was laying on the couch next to her. I had the notion to go get the back and look at the clothes she had bought me, when I went in there to get the back she lashed out at me, yelling at me, embarrassing me in front of everyone and saying how she is taking the clothes back!!!!!!!! My feelings were shattered, her friend told her that was unnecessary and that I was just excited about having new clothes but too late the damage was done. I woke up the next morning hoping it was all a bad dream, when it was time for me to get dressed I was hoping the clothes were there but she had already taken them back to the store, I had to wear old clothes which were mostly her hand me downs and I felt like shit. All the girls at the party had on new clothes and new swim suits, I didn't even have a damn swim suit. This experience said to me that when I get something good or something that makes me happy it will be taken away without rhyme or reason. Of course me being older now I can see how she probably spread herself thin financially and had to return the clothes for the money but I was convinced it was my fault and I was unworthy...
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El.Mo

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Re: Feeling Free

Post  Benita on Wed Aug 03, 2011 10:02 pm

That's some great SELF psychotherapy! You probably felt a little lighter after releasing that weight of excess energy frequency? Much success on the exam...
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